Today I received a rather standard envelope. Inside was a letter from you. That letter said the following:
"Dear Mr Howell, your savings interest rate is changing. This means that the interest rate you receive will be lower."
I read on as instructed. Lower actually means halved.
I have been a loyal customer of yours since I was 16. I've been a loyal customer for 10 years. In fact, for all intents and purposes, today may well be our 10th wedding anniversary, it sure as hell feels like a marriage: I save money and you spend it. You don't provide an apology, no sorry, instead you just give a look that says, "Whoops, looks like more austerity."
That's okay though. Luckily this news about the little guy losing out to the ivory tower high rollers hasn't come at a bad time. I mean you've rightly fired your CEO for under performing, which is Mozart to my ears. Wait. What? His 'Golden Goodbye' (whatever the hell that is, sounds like something on the menu at a Thai massage parlour) is set to be around £28 million. But you fired him. Like you did Bob Diamond. What? You paid him £17 million, too. Why? These people are inadequate at their jobs, your words not mine. So how is it that my compatriots have to shoulder your mistakes, my friends and colleagues, hardworking honest people who put away money for a rainy day only to see their return halved and their trust slashed.
Ah, forget it, you can't hear me over the champagne popping nor see me through the cigar smoke.